Harlot H4M Murray Shorts Review

Harlot H4M Murray Shorts Review

in Cycling by Bill Lobe

Big on Style and Durability.

First off, I rarely wear women’s clothes anymore, it’s been ages (don’t ask). And that was my first thought when I received a pair of Murray Shorts by Harlot Clothing Co, “but I don’t even cross-dress these days, why would I want to wear a pair of women’s mountain bike shorts? I don’t even like wearing men’s mountain bike shorts.” Admittedly, they looked badass and masculine, that’s when I realized that “H4M” stands for “Harlot for Men.” 

Putting the Hoss in the Saddle

Putting the Hoss in the Saddle

in Cycling by Jordan McCormick

Hoss wasn’t a brand that I was incredibly familiar with; most bike shops in my area don’t carry the brand. However, when I found myself with a gift certificate to Hoss I didn’t hesitate to order a pair of shorts because all my shorts are now snug in the waist. I blame this entirely on my wife, who shrinks all my clothes in the laundry. So after much thought, meditation, and prayer, I chose Hoss’s Stallion model. The Stallion model is a handsome board short cut and I prefer that style.

For a company not as well know as Fox, Oakley, or Pearl Izumi they did a superb job on the construction of these shorts. First off I ordered them a size larger than usual–every pair of shorts I have ever purchased for biking run small. I attribute this to a mafia conspiracy. So the fact that these shorts fit was the first plus.

The next thing I noticed was the chamois. The softest thing to ever handle my undercarriage. One of the nicest things about this chamois is the smallest and finest stitching of any chamois I’ve ever worn. I have a pair of shorts that were expensive, but they have massive stitches holding the chamois to the shorts, which gives me a very unpleasant rash on long rides. I haven’t gotten a rash yet from this chamois (plus!). Another thing I liked is the chamois on a removable mess short liner with spandex leg grippers. I haven’t ridden without the chamois yet, or swapped the liner into another short, but you could if you so choose. It’s nice to have option.

All Harlot and No STD’s

All Harlot and No STD’s

in Cycling by Jordan McCormick

The snow finally melted enough for me to break out the old steed after her long winter nap. While back in the saddle I tried out the new Harlot Hawkeye mountain bike shorts. These shorts are typically what you would consider a downhill short, but since the downhill trails are covered in snow and mud I figured why not a cross county ride?

harlot wear hawkeye mountain bike shorts reviewThese shorts are great, but they are not perfect, so let me start with what I don’t like, then the rest is what I do like. First off, if you are going to name your company Harlot your model names should be Harlot names. Hawkeye was a doctor in the TV show MASH, and he was no harlot. A boozer yes, but not a harlot. Harlot should use names like Jezebel (sounds like a harlot from biblical times) or Mustang Ranch (not really a ranch, but if you are familiar with Nevada you know what I mean). This is more a marketing issue, so Harlot if you want to hire me to make your line sound more sleazy consider me your newest harlot.

Second, and this is a complaint across the board with mountain bike shorts. I have not ordered one pair that fits right. They all run way too small. What is the deal with the mountain bike industry? When I order board shorts in the same size I have way too much crack hanging out. Mountain bike shorts…I feel like Santa Clause climbing into a wet suit. In reality, especially with a downhill short, mountain bike shorts should run big so you can fit pads under them if you so desire. There are some pretty nifty impact shorts on the market, but now in order to wear them I need to get another pair of mountain bike shorts. Sure I could lose a few pounds to fit better into them, but it is still winter here in Utah and I still have my winter coat…if you know what I mean. This must be a conspiracy to make shorts run small to motivate us to ride so those lbs will come off. I am sure this is one of those back smoke filled dark room conversations that take place at Interbike, and oh yes they do exist.

Hoss Technical Gear Stallion Mountain Bike Shorts Review

in Cycling by Bill Lobe

For too long mountain bikers have endured some of the worst fashion options from all the major cycling clothing companies. Ironically, the cycling world has frequently intermingled with the fashion world (Ciao!), but we grubby mountain bikers have suffered through poor design and ugly styles. It seems simple, right? All we want is a decent chamois coupled to a pair of baggy shorts that don’t make us look (too) dorky. Why has this been such an elusive product? We’ve had to endure uncomfortable polyester blends, ragged and irritable elastic that rubs your butt after one wash, no pockets, that horrendous full-diaper feeling, and worst of all the ubiquitous black/khaki/disgusting-print options we’ve been offered for style. Finally, after a few decades now, we’re starting to get a few options on the market we haven’t seen before, from multiple manufacturers. I hesitate to say I see cool shorts everywhere, but we’re definitely moving in the right direction.

Fortunately for us, the good people at Hoss Technical Gear seem to have listened to the wailing complaints of the market place. Look, I ride a road bike (occasionally), and yes, I wear your typical black spandex when I’m posing as a roadie. Through most of the winter I’m a poorly disguised mountain biker logging miles on my road bike while I wait for the warmer months (just for fitness, I swear!). So I don’t mind looking like a tool, and sorry Lance, you look like a tool on your road bike. We all do, no matter how hard we try. Nobody gets into cycling for the fashion, and I can only think of a few people I would like to see in a roadie kit, and I never see them out there pedaling.